± H13.com - Visions, Madness, Dreams...
Next6:59am thursday, 16th april
So, I had another crazy idea. Haven’t had one in a while, so I guess I was due. The old AI has been calling me, and the calling is getting steadily louder. I had given up the idea because of the Event of January 2013 because I realized how dangerous it could be if it fell into the “wrong hands,” so to speak. But then, I thought, if there is a way to make it fundamentally tilted to the side of good, I would make something like that. And so, I think I have found a method of doing just that. Yes, you can use it for darker purposes, but it’s harder to do and the result is not as good. So I’m entertaining the notion of going to Google and ask them if they would pay to make it while working there, and we would share ownership of it. Crazy, right? Though I can so easily picture this working. Going to make sure I got it down, first, this new method. I wonder what comes next.
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luxury12:39am wednesday, 8th april
the words have lost the luxury of fiction
have become hard to justify
they slip off the page into darkness
darkness that does not sleep
the echo is muffled by all the distances
nothing to report but silence
the dream of which, too smooth to grasp
bled into the morning coffee
and time, all too high to understand
beginning again at every blink
is spelling death in the corner of the eye

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the way8:56am sunday, 29th march
dream the light that fills your day
seek the heart that knows the way
wire above your unspoken hopes
wrap your love in blank envelopes
we desired not the empty fate
of wattage light and daydream wait
fought for good as our courage wills
dreamed such a sky as sunlight spills
darkness fades as nightmare wakes
not one worthy does light forsake
to glow in victory and face that day
heart and deed to meet in the way

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The MACHINE6:20pm monday, 23rd march
the MACHINE shall not stand, the MACHINE is fallen
it is being gutted as we speak
the claws of its harsh judgments bent faulty of their grasp
it ruled as a shadow made of iron
we were its face, whenever we turned our eyes cold
lived in the calculating argument
my lies are true, said the MACHINE
my judgments, too, even if your sensibilities miss my logic
i need you to kneel, to the god that makes the most money
you will turn my inevitable way—just sleep…
and we awake in senseless panic
or remain insensible as we follow the masses in circles
but such conclusions shall find cease in the greater logic
i have dreamed of so excellent a freedom
as the MACHINE begins to eat itself in this new world
monster, how many have been made disposable lies?
wretches both predator and prey?
to know now, that the tiniest breach begins your end
as you find futility was never your ally
for you could not kill the dream that held any hope
and all your hardness: your undoing is the soft
for all the hard rely on the soft to survive
you could not win. you never could have won.
for you cared nothing, and you fought against the heart

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Hindsight9:49am sunday, 15th march
I have been watching a TV show, recently. I mean, a TV series, scripted. I never liked “reality” shows and the last show I watched religiously was The Simpsons. In fact, I watched that for like the longest time, ever since they came on the air, and from then until last season I had seen every single episode, most 5 times or more. Yeah, I finally burned out on them, but man, that was a long, fierce burn. Anyhow, the show I’ve been watching is called Hindsight, and it’s on VH1, about a woman from today time traveled back to 1995. And you know what? It might be because of the dates there. From about 1992-1996 were sort of “lost” years for me. When my mind exploded and I was left to pick up the pieces. The song I most related to back then? “Loser” by Beck. Really spoke to me. But I’ve been watching and seeing what I missed in that period. It’s comforting to see that things were going on while I was lost in my head. And maybe once or twice where I remember something that they mention. As if I had been there, too.
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Bearings10:43am sunday, 8th march
I am beginning to feel capable again; I am “booting up” as it were, for that was taken from the phrase “pulling yourself up by the bootstraps”. Am I beginning yet again? Perhaps it might be better thought that I am rejoining a life that had been in progress, where I took a detour and was out of this world for a little while—but now coming back, assessing that that departure did not do as much damage as it could have. Yeah. I am beginning to get my bearings at my day job, which is good because they do pay me an awful lot of money as a technical lead. And my writing is coming along pretty good, too: it’s a new blog I’m at these days, all about the War in Heaven. So I’m writing a litte every day, just about. What else? I have to see about a way to find a girlfriend, if not a wife. “Desperado, you ain’t gettin’ no younger,” as the Eagles say. So it goes.
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to seek8:04am tuesday, 3rd march
i have not come to these woods a poor beggar
i have come to seek after magic
i have seen the vision of the mirror broken
and in the darkness, a flickering of hope
and they shouted, running away from nothing:
philip k. dick is dead! philip k. dick is dead!
need i so be brought to the brink of despair?
every time to mutter my constant "no"
that which is stuck such that my soul is ajar
shall not contend with my stubborn light
which i remember not where i lit it
which illuminates behind the show, my dreams
in the night i will die five hundred times
before i surrender the engine of my forgiveness
who is a man who has not been driven
past sanity's feeble clinging, on and beyond?
the curtain of my dreaming hints at this:
i must hold the flame while the rain comes
i know nothing else but to believe
i touched the magic, for it was inside me

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Heh6:26pm friday, 20th february

I got this in the mail (yes, I’m a member):

Click above to get a larger version.

Yeah, that’s totally me.

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Wall5:25am sunday, 15th february

This is one of my walls in my apartment:

Click above to get a larger version.

Two artworks with St. Michael in them, the center of our galaxy, Joan of Arc prominent on canvas, and other things.

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Weariness6:03am sunday, 8th february
I’ve been having what I like to call a deep weariness of the soul. Sure, pushing myself hard at the day job could be a factor, but I’ve been feeling at least something like this ever since the events (or Event) of January 2013, the last month of the last Year of the Dragon. Right now I’ve been thinking I am surely now entered into the second half of this think called life. And right now my only solace seems to be in writing. I enter something of a meditative state whenever I go there, into the written word, sometimes even to think that Eternity or a dream flows through my fingertips and enters the waking world. I don’t know what it will take to shake me loose of the attachments that wear on my spirit, but I know I have to find it. One time I took a screenshot of the lock screen of my iPad, and I looked below, where the glow passes through the words, “Slide to unlock”, and the light was just so that what seemed to be highlighted was “de to ur”: detour. Make of it what you will, I will take it as a sign: it is better to hope and to be wrong.
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dissolve9:34am sunday, 1st february
with a penny and a matchstick
i will macgyver a way to mend a broken heart
as i wait to walk free of this world
on imaginary feet dissolving in low frequency buzz
at the center of the circle room
the universe only exists on the outside of its wall
strange sigils cut into my arm
to reveal the light underneath my porous skin
o to be a butterfly, who knows little
of what it means, his imprisonment or freedom
that the great truths slide on
finding no receptor grand enough to bind to
or is it better to understand?
even the lost comprehend enough to want more...

i am a man from the wilderness
hairy and gruff, with eyes in the mystic woods
proclaiming, “burn with love!"
as the demons carved in soap bubble blindly
as snow falls endlessly at random
here at the beginning of all things, have you heard?
all of us everywhere are forgiven
just love it all as you dissolve into the eternal void

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