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Standland9:01am friday, 17th october
So I have finished the hard part, though it is also the fun part: my book has a beginning, middle, and end. Its about 180 pages. As a complement to my last book, which was mostly philosophy, this one is almost all stories. A much lighter read, but you know Im not the kind to write fluffy prose. But the subject of both books (which, by the by, are not books 1 & 2 of any Ive ever written, but 2 & 3) is the War in Heaven. It starts with 10/7/88, which is a date, which is in the very early archives of this site, where I get drafted into service, and it concludes with me finding the meaning of life. Essentially. So theres that.

As far as the day job goes, went to our second client conference in Berkeley a couple weeks ago. I presented for about half an hour, in which I tried to give 2 demos when the internet started cutting out on us. I did get through it, and all was for the best. I find that it usually is. Which is good long term, but after the last project, a project from hell, Im on another very stressful one; were right now more than a week behind schedule, a schedule I made. I just crossed a milestone last night, anyway. But I dream that my books start selling in large quantities, and I could do what I wanted. Yeah.

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beware4:59pm friday, 10th october
the madness has a memory
beware the quiet
light flutters at the edges of my vision
and i let the curse feed my fire
like a silent delirium will i pray
outwardly to despair, to play a different game
inwardly to hold on, a wingd strength
aesthetics string delicately together
where the art has stretched out its meaning to harden
to leave roses in our wake...
holy fire burns me, the ecstatic flames
love will heal in this way what cannot be mended
i am not mad:
eyes that have ranged far countries return only halfway
and the pain is a blindness
how can they not stare?
for we are all fearfully and wonderfully made
to pierce into the mystery with dagger eyes
to find what we had had all along
the curse lost in the light
the doom lost in futures past
beware the quiet
the madness has a memory

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memories11:46pm sunday, 5th october
memories are light
running through sunlight dappled days
a cushion of youth spilling everywhere
memories are heavy
remembering the grace of someone
whose face no longer looks out into the day
night comes easy
the scattering of cricketsong outlying
the smell of meat basted in tangy summer
night comes hard
the years of wanderlust supressed, a lifetime
the desire that would never know light
and there is life
the experience of change of dark and light
memory keeping track where you got hurt
and here is life
sometimes it never seems to begin
but to know hard that it has an end

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distant5:40pm monday, 29th september
i sense love distant
like the thaw of snow melt trickles
high in the mountain morn
i am found: this is love
upon the precipice of a dream
the child of stars crossing
the light undying
i am a sentinel of fortune
as dreams ascend with the dawn
made of earth and heaven
and a quiet to wash me white
snow everywhere
i walk through the memories of places
by candlelight flickering lonely
imaginary the distances
the song of myself inhales
i have not come to slip through cracks
light has pierced my eyes
destiny lingers
death weary of my meddling
the mirror knows me, so says his eyes
death chokes on confetti
for am i won from darkness
what flows through every last thing
i kiss hello
sometimes the wind calls me by name
small as i am, but cozy
i have measured the sky with my hands
and beyond, my third home
as i tease the threads of fate
the candle which lasted the storm
we blow out the flame, for dawn is here

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numbers9:52pm sunday, 21st september
the numbers do not care
we could be saving lives, we could be killing them all
they only stare back as hollow figurines
blind to what they themselves say
some will strain to find the meaning in you
we dare not ignore you, not when you speak for yourself
nor hide what you show

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On3:20am tuesday, 16th september
Night has fallen where it might, and I am a dream away from eternal things. My desire for flight has made me struggle against gravity all this time; and it has borne fruit in the wings I have sought to create. I have skirted the edge of the impossible where I have travelled, not willing to see that I should fail for the farness of my reaching. Give thanks to God, o my soul, for He has set a fire in my heart that weathers the torrents of the storm, that keeps me pressing on when hope is at its thinnest. This is life: that one sees the magic in what the world can achieve, wonder at dreams of the primordial light and shine the light upon all that is, do his best at whatever comes. Always remember from where you have come. It has made you what you are.
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memory3:09am sunday, 7th september
strange what we remember, a confetti of images
islands of mundane wonders wandering through our cognitive pools
stray memories of what we never were, time and worlds away

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Joke8:13am tuesday, 2nd september
A Sufi story tells us, "A man who had studied much in the schools of wisdom finally died in the fullness of time and found himself at the gates of eternity. An angel of light approached him and said, 'Go no further, O mortal, until you have proven to me your worthiness to enter into Paradise!'.

"But the man answered, 'Just a minute now first of all, can you prove to me that this is the real heaven and not just some whimsical fantasy of my disordered mind undergoing death?'

"Before the discomfited angel could reply, a voice from inside the gates shouted, 'Let him in he's one of us!'"

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Delight4:02pm tuesday, 26th august
Once when I was in the Black Iron Prison, I looked into the poster I had of the Garden of Delights, by Hieronymous Bosch, into the third panel, entitled, Hell; I looked into the face of the Tree Man, who looks back at you from the center of that panel:

...and it clicked, or more acurately, slid into place, that This was where I was. And I would think later, that I actually had been in one of the rooms in the building in the far back of that image....

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Standland3:42am monday, 18th august
Reflection put in a request for whats going on in Standland a little while ago, so here. The biggest news is that I bought a really expensive domain name, having to do with my great interest in the War in Heaven. I had to have it though. Right now I got a thing or two I just randomly assembled on it but the possibilities are through the roof. Of course, my published book and my new book I'm working on deal a lot with the War, so yeah. Other than that, got about 110 pages double spaced of the mentioned new book, so Im past halfway. The only question I have right now is, How am I blowing through $8K+ per month?!? Its ridiculous. I dont even have a crazy stripper girlfriend. Maybe I should block Amazon and eBay; that should about do it. And occasionally Etsy. But then that would drive me insane. And having money. Usually not a good combo. But anyway.
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Quotes8:07pm tuesday, 12th august
Very few people in the world would care to listen to the real defense of their own characters. The real defense, the defense which belongs to the Day of Judgment, would make such damaging admissions, would clear away so many artificial virtues, would tell such tragedies of weakness and failure, that a man would sooner be misunderstood and censured by the world than exposed to that awful and merciless eulogy.

 - Gilbert Keith Chesterton


Make me what Thou wouldst have me. I bargain for nothing. I make no terms. I seek for no previous information whither Thou art taking me. I will be what Thou wilt make me, and all that Thou wilt make me. I say not, I will follow Thee whithersoever Thou goest, for I am weak, but I give myself to Thee, to lead me anywhither.

 - John Henry Newman


... They haled him, trembling, to the Judgment Seat.

"O Lord, behold the man who made the nails that pierced Thy feet!"

The Master laid a thin, scarred hand upon the shame-bowed head.

"They were good nails," he said...

 - Kenneth W. Porter

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