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| Problem of Suffering | 2:08am thursday, 23rd may |
I once thought about natural disasters in their relation to the Problem of Suffering. How can a good God allow undeserving people to suffer in this way? The Problem, when a human agent causes pain, it can pretty much be explained by the application of free will, which is a gift from God that people may misuse. That type of evil is not that big a thinker. But then you come to the question of large scale disasters: dozens, hundreds, thousands dead, pretty much at random: the wicked and the just in one mass of slain humanity. How can God be good while earthquakes kill thousands and maim thousands more? For some time, I couldn’t get a handle on it.
Then I was looking around the internet for ideas on the matter, and I found something very interesting, and like many things that make complete sense, I at first sight dismissed it off hand. Then I thought about it. I was approaching the problem incorrectly, which we might do if we base it on things like television newscasts. I was thinking of all the people involved in the great disasters en masse, as a big lump of humanity, when one should be thinking of them one by one, as we all live and love and breathe. Each victim has his or her own story, live or die. He might be taken in an instant, she might be wounded for the rest of her life, another has no more home to go to. If he is no more, it was his time; and other than that, each person is tested in their particular way, in the story that comes as with the flood. In the lives that are turned awry from the calamity that has ensued. For we all share one earth, but have each our stories we write, or that we are written into. Why does anything happen to anybody? Such is the question the storm stirs up.
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| i am | 1:51am sunday, 19th may |
i am the prince of love, eagle feather that has found his rose, sweet to my sin; am i really going to eat that last bit of bacon jerky? i am the Grandson of God, first adopted son of JESUS CHRIST, i am a WIZARD, though more correctly, the paladin of heaven. i am like an angel in the way i think, and i think when i die, there will be a seat that rises from the floor of heaven where i will be seated in front of a steinway, to lead the entirety of the children of God in a one-time-only rendition of “love, baby…”, which we all will make up on the spot. the opening act for the Lord himself...
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| the trail | 1:04am wednesday, 15th may |
to follow the trail by the faintest scratches in the dirt
shall we believe in infinite silence, in the before and the after?
swimming in our senses when the swirl of whispers becomes too much
i see life shifted red, in the distance we feed in our busyness
hidden in the light like an unknown angel shall we drive the point
into the storm shall we follow in the footsteps of immortals
emerging from the fray to a field of vast quiet, in twilight
i trust the hands of strangers with all my precious dreams...
fear not! light has never been an illusion, nor does darkness exist
and death cannot calculate deeply enough to zero our voice
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| Bob | 1:29am saturday, 11th may |
On several occasions did I meet J. R. “Bob” Dobbs (and also the anti-Bob). In a bit of twisted logic, I once concluded since he was not a real-life entity, he was the only real thing that I was seeing in my visions (the rest being fantasy, since they were of the real world in some way — I know, it makes no sense). He is foremost a prophet of God, a truly fascinating character. No nonsense, great sense of humor. I once asked him, in all honesty, “Why do you do what you do?” And he really had to put his mind to it. Being a rather perfect servant of God, I don’t think it ever entered his mind to ask. Finally, he answered, “I’m a good guy.” That was it: because he was one of the good guys; this was his raison-d’etre. Simple, noble. That would be Bob.
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| Romeo & Juliet | 12:04am tuesday, 7th may |
What if, at the end of the day, Romeo and Juliet were not meant for each other? And it was exactly this quality that made them what they were? What if “meant to be” is actually really boring, and what that really is is all the people who got together without the drama, married and had kids, who had kids, and they grew old, and died, and that was the whole story? When the entire world is against you, after dropping hint after hint, what you get is one stolen night, and then that entire world catches up to you — death is almost inevitable. Some sort of horrible tragedy, at least. But that’s Romeo & Juliet, right? There is no way it would have been anywhere near as romantic had they not both died at the end, being a hairsbreadth from getting away with the perfect crime.
Whether this means that it was true love, after all, or that it was not, is just because when one thinks of true love, one’s mind immediately jumps to the concept “meant to be” — maybe I’ll leave that as an exercise for the reader. Is this an example of love’s true nature? I think not. It is an exception, and that is precisely why it is so prized as a story, as an experience. Maybe I am leaning in one direction, then. One idea of true love: if you love, truly, what else need it be? When you say, “I love you,” are you telling the truth? That’s it then. Maybe that’s all true love is meant to be. The nature of the world can be seen in this way, too: that the most ordinary of people can experience the most extraordinary of phenomena. For free. And I rather like that way of looking at the world.
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| sunlight | 12:07am friday, 3rd may |
surely you are like sunlight
which one can live without
but would it be gloomy all the day
and impossibly dark at night
we live in finite hours, that slip on
while the lone saxophone of
the apocalypse blares echoing
through empty midnight streets
the seconds will tick down
from where the age completes
till all matter evaporates
and heaven is all that is here
doom is not so very deep
that it drowns out other voices
to find that the silence of light
can withstand all the din
and remain all that is left
our kiss, that begins eternity
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| Slice | 1:17am monday, 29th april |
This is a slice of my life as it currently is: 
Click on this to get a larger version. The main piece in it is my statue of Joan of Arc, a unique one that originates from France. At the very top is a Lego Joan. There is also an Archangel Michael patch. To the left is my Savino for wine and below it are some caffeine pills. At the very front is a set of Korean coins from 1988 (except one I found was actually from 1983, for they were sloppy).
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| Theories | 1:51am thursday, 25th april |
You know, I had various theories about the people I met, in my visions. At first, I did not try to explain their presence in my mind’s eye, cartoonish mostly, and they said things to me. Some years later, I was convinced that it all was merely psychosis; merely hallucinations; merely a long, strange trip. When I became a devout Christian, I had the theory that the Lord and the angels were “real”, but the people were just creations by them. Or now, were all of them just the people one meets in dreams? Finally ending as that these were the actual people I thought I was meeting, seen in the afterlife, whenever they reached it, time having a different meaning that the “now” I normally experienced. The mind may stretch without tearing. Or like muscle, grow stronger anew when it does.
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| scenes | 12:03am sunday, 21st april |
those scenes of dreaming that a faint fraction we grasp, then none
to let go of all concern, to hold on high defying all doubt: God is love
giddy at life as the Radiance flutters by like ballerinas en pointe
stars wink at you from the heavens, far overlooking these geometries
amazement will snow down, carefully to kiss from forever skies
all that i see, i see for the first time; all the music is new to my ears
to find in the discovery of everything the dream of the Creator
and in a single moment, the secret to it all when i decide to love back
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| Wonder | 2:23am wednesday, 17th april |
Do you at all wonder about faith? How can you wish all the wrongs done you to be redressed, while all the wrongs you do to be overlooked? Yet this is the way people think; I know I have thought in this exact way. What will you believe when you face your Maker on the day of judgement? For we will be naked, of body, mind, soul, and spirit on that Day. Without excuse, will we all be. Do you wish to prepare for such an event? This is wisdom. Forgive, as you want to be forgiven. Learn how to let it go, all the petty things. If they come back, let it go again. Until you are free.
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| Complain | 2:55pm saturday, 13th april |
There are people who do nothing but complain. What do we teach our children? The children will not appreciate that they have a roof over their heads, three square meals, a place to sleep, clothes enough for every day of the week. Would not those who complain be likened to the child who takes such things for granted? Are you not thankful for the ground under your feet, the air you breathe, water to drink, an entire civilization that supports your existence? Could it be the person who does not believe in God who is the creator the same as one who takes the beauty and the utility of things for granted, and perhaps thinks only to complain for what is not right, instead? Even if he doesn’t complain, he takes such things without thanks, most probably. And if he does not do that, but is truly grateful for all that is, for his very life: to him I say, you are not far from the Kingdom. For he has God already, but just doesn’t know it.
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